Behind the sideways glances. He says he can’t and yet he does. I’m so sorry about the past and he’s so guilty of the moment. I’ve kissed him in my dreams a hundred times, but kissing him for real would set my soul on fire. God I can’t look at him because when I do, I am drowning…..drowning in my want of him….drowning in his eyes, in his lips, and in his ass. And yet this drowning keeps my body alive, oh the irony. So often he will smile at me and I will forget for a moment to breathe. So much pretending goes on in my life. Pretending it’s no big deal, pretending I don’t care….or pretending I’ve been here before. Maybe he knows this, maybe not……he’s busy pretending too. Certain songs make me think of him, and I am carried into his arms and into his bed by the melody. As my youth is deserting me, my chances all taken, it is my love for him that holds tight and won’t let go. So many years of intended solitude to pay penance for all my transgressions,I only hope to prove my worth, and my love.